Working in the travel industry I am always looking for ways to laugh at myself and funny travel quotes to go along with it. So many of the quotes out on the market are inspirational and designed to give us that “Monday Motivation” vibe when we seek them out. I like to think that laughter is the best medicine, and so I gravitate towards humor.
I wanted to share some of my favorite funny travel quotes with you because I find them relate-able for most people. We often work so much and so hard we find funny travel quotes like this: “I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!” That in itself is both true and factual. If you find yourself at work laughing at memes, scrolling Pinterest and thinking about all your epic trips from what feels like a past life, then these funny travel quotes are for you!
So on that note, lets get to my favorite funny travel quotes! “It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!”
Funny Travel Quotes That Are Painfully True
“I’m a travel. addict on the road to recovery. JUST KIDDING! I’m on the road to the airport.”
“I love those days when my only decision is window or aisle.”
“TIP: You won’t get the holiday blues if you just keep booking holidays.”
“You weren’t born to just pay bills and die!”
“I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel brochure.”
“My parents complain I travel too much. I mean, I could be a drug addict, do they realize how lucky they are?” -Unknown
“A change in latitude would help my attitude.”
“That moment when boarding is complete and the seat next to you is EMPTY!”
“I love when people say “just quit your job and travel.” Taking an Uber from the bar to my home is the only travel I can afford. ”
“Birds literally just eat, travel and shit on things they don’t like. I don’t know about you but that’s the lifestyle I’m striving for.”
“Jet Lag is for Amateurs”
“Traveling is like a chocolate box. Don’t matter what you get. All is good.”
“I need a reasonably paid job. Something like $6000 an hour. Nothing too wild.”
“Go to work. Open computer. Scroll for plane ticks for six hours. Close computer. Go home.”
“The temptation to go to the airport, buy a one way ticket, leave the country and live on my own has never been so real.”
“You can’t by Happiness. OK. Explain travel then…”
“My mom watches a special type of news program that only reports on horrible incidents happening in places I’m about to visit.”
“Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Some girls are made of adventure, fine beer, brains and no fear.”
“Can’t decide if I need a hug, an XL coffee, six shots of vodka, or two months of travel.”
“The airport is a lawless place. 7 am? Drink a beer. Tired? Sleep on the floor. Hungry? Chips now cost 17$.”
“Good things come to those, who book flights.”
“If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise.”
“Vacation calories don’t count.”
“There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation.”
“If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal.”– Paulo Coelho
“Be right back…” Just running away from Monday and going straight to the airport. ”
“If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise.”
“Stuck somewhere between “I need to save” and “you only live once”. ”
” I need a vacation of 6 months. Twice a year!”
“Watches Netflix happily. Remembers you need to pack. Watches Netflix stress fully.”
“I wish travel therapy was covered by my health insurance.”
“There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you’re anxious to meet people who do.” –Rich Jeni
“I wish I was a postcard. For under 1.5€ you can travel the world to any location in the world.”
“I wish that road trips could pay my bills.” –Unknown
“I need vitamin SEA!”
“Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it a life.”
“Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito.”
“Friend: Let’s go to Bora Bora. Me: Man, I wanna go, but I’m pora pora.”
“Airline travel is hours of boredom interrupted by moments of stark terror.” –Al Bolisk
“You can’t make everyone happy. You are not a plane ticket.”
“I just want to travel the world, overspend at IKEA and drink coffee while cuddling puppies.”
“Bank account nice and empty. Start the new year on a clean slate.”
“I wish I was a postcard. For under .25 you can travel the world to any location in the world. ”
“You can’t buy happiness but you can buy plane tickets, and that is kind of the same thing.”
“Some people spend their life searching for “the one”. I’m just searching for the one good travel deal.”
“I’m not lost, I’m exploring.”
“My favorite memory from childhood is my parents paying for my holidays. ”
“I suspect that LaGuardia is an elaborate prank, and New York has a real airport nearby that only locals know about.” –Dave Barry
“Travel becomes a strategy for accumulating photographs.” –Susan Sontag
“No matter how many times I visit NYC, I am always struck by the same thing- a yellow taxicab.” –Scott Adams
“I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach.”
“Tripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any travel trips currently booked.”
“When you come to a fork in the road…take it.” –Yogi Berra
“I feel like most of my problems could be solved with a trip to … anywhere.”
“Have you ever stopped to think, maybe travel is addicted to me?”
“Work tip: stand up. Stretch. Take a walk. Go to the airport. Get on a plane. Never return.”
“Running to the gate is my cardio.”
“I need a holiday. And by “holiday” I mean I need to move away and find a job. On the beach. With cocktails. ”
“Should I book another flight to go abroad? Brain: no. Wallet: no. Mom: no. Dog: no. Universe: no…I think I’m gonna book the flight.”
“If traveling was free, you’d never see me again.”
“When you are trying to save for a house and end up with a one way ticket to some tropical island.”
“If you look like your passport picture, you probably need a trip.”
“Do you ever stress about money and then accidentally book another flight?”
Ladies, imagine this. It’s 15 years from now, and you have no kids. You’re the cool wine aunt that occasionally comes back to the country for a brief visit before leaving for another long exotic vacation. You have no commitments, and a suspicious amount of money.
“Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland.”
“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.” –Mark Twain
“Me before vacation: I’m going to be responsible with my money. This is a low budget trip. I’m gonna stay in a hostel and everything. Me on vacation: *orders fancy drinks, rides a camel, goes skydiving, buys souvenirs for the uncle’s new girlfriend and adopts an alpaca.”
“I can’t control the wind but I can adjust the sail.” – Ricky Skaggs
Me travelling. Person: “Un Cafe?” Me: “Oui” Person: “Sucre” Me: “Non” Person: “You speak very good french” Me: “Gracias”
Me before vacation: “I’m going to be responsible with my money. This is a low budget trip. I’m gonna stay in a hostel and everything.”Me on vacation: *orders fancy drinks, rides a camel, goes skydiving, buys souvenirs for the uncle’s new girlfriend and adopts an alpaca.”
“I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon.”
“Ironing boards are surf boards that gave up their dreams and got a boring job. Don’t be an ironing board.”
“I want to live in a world where searching for plane tickets burns calories.”
“Everyone is pregnant, engaged or getting married. I just wanna lose weight and travel.”
“I heard an airplane passing overhead. I wished I was on it.”
“If you had to choose between true love and traveling the world, which country would you choose first?”
“Can we get a hell yeah if you don’t know what you are doing with your life and just want to travel the world.”
“My passport is screaming to be stamped.”
“In desperate need of a full body massage, 4 days of sleep and a ticket to the Bahamas.”
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
“That moment when you’re asked where you got something and you answer with the name of the country, not the name of the store.”
Me getting ready for vacation: manicure and pedicure, buy new Sephora products, spray tan, get waxed, get hair done, work out for a month, live off kale and veggies, try on 30K swimsuits and cry in dressing rooms. Husband getting ready for vacation: packs a bathing suit, flip-flops, a T-shirt, and calls it a day.
Funny Travel Quotes: Relationships
Lets be honest, traveling with people can go swimmingly well or horrifying. What better way to relive those moments than with funny travel quotes.
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.” –Mark Twain
“I’ve got a crush on the world.”
“You can’t do epic shit with basic people.”
“If you don’t have a stupid travel story to tell, you did something terribly wrong!” -Unknown
“Imagine falling in love with someone and then finding out they clap their hands when the plane lands.”
“My mom watches a special type of news program that only reports on horrible incidents happening in places I’m about to visit.”
“Friends that travel together, stay together!”
“People having babies. And I’m like…what country am I going to next?”
“If you are waiting for someone to travel with you, you may end up waiting a lifetime!”
Funny Travel Quotes On Packing:
“Overpack. It’s why suitcases have wheels now.” –Unknown
“My favorite thing to pack on trips are all the clothes I never wear at home and then find fun, flirty and exciting ways to not wear them while I’m away.”
“Packs 2 hours before leaving for a trip. Unpacks 3 months after coming home.”
“Going on a trip. Need about 5 outfits. I’ve packed 35 just to be safe.”
“Me: I’m not going to over pack this time. Inner me: I need this. I will need that as well. I need everything.”
“Me: triple checked packing list Also me: *forgets underwear, contact solution, and favorite chapstick.”
“I haven’t worn these pants since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case.”
“Normal life: Wears the same top every day for a week. Packing for 3-day vacation: I’ll probably change a few times a day so I’ll take 21 tops.”
“Me getting ready for vacation: manicure and pedicure, buy new Sephora products, spray tan, get waxed, get hair done, work out for a month, live off kale and veggies, try on 30K swimsuits and cry in dressing rooms. Husband getting ready for vacation: packs a bathing suit, flip-flops, a T-shirt, and calls it a day.”
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?” –George Roberts
“So, do I live out of a suitcase for the next month? Do I unpack just to repack again? Do I put my toothbrush back in the bathroom? I’m a visitor in my own house what the heck.”
These are my favorite funny travel quotes. If you want to add any send me a message or leave a comment 🙂